I’m an ACTOR because…

6 Jun

The question always makes me wonder why I chose to be an #Actor or why anyone else would choose this too? I was trying to get Organized. De-Clutter. Regroup.  I decided  to clear off my desktop of old sides and scripts no longer needed of auditions never booked.  Among my documents and such I come across the #MikeandMolly pilot. Yes pilot, I went out for the LEAD Role. Then I deleted  #Workaholics pilot (take a guess who booked that one) but I did get called back in again -fun show! Next up #Southland. DELETE. I was to play a mentally challenged person (ha not too hard for me)  I went right to producers. It was between me and another girl, she booked it,  they went older. The casting director was very sweet and it was a very interesting audition! Writing that kind of role into my next script…. Oh and then there’s #TheMindyProject woah … this was my first audition back after my mom died. I will ALWAYS remember this day. I had forgotten I was an actor and when the audition came in I GASPED. Breathing life back into my zombie like state, sadly I had forgotten who I was … I’m an Actor! I’m an Actor! I screamed in the realization of it all. I got pinned for the show and then i wasn’t …DELETE.  There’s tons more like this. Remember Kath & Kim?  yes, I still have the hard copy laying around somewhere. It was my very first pilot audition. I was so proud of myself for getting called in. I even printed out the script. The role was perfect for me. I heard later it was a tough one to cast. It didn’t help my audition that the day I went in, they changed the role to a gay male. I walked thru my neighborhood that day feeling different. I looked around and I thought to myself,  am I ready to be known? Where I can’t go anywhere without someone recognizing me. It was my first moment of real fear. That show got cancelled right away. Funny thing my friend refused to watch cause they didn’t cast me…. there’s another show on that just got cancelled that she said should have been mine… that’s the everyday story in La La Land … but the funniest audition I remember was for a #RichardSimmons workout video. Sweatin to the Sumba or something like that?  I didn’t book that one either cause well as you all know, I know how to “DANCE MY ASS OFF!!!” Sorry to upstage you sweet buttery Richard, as he kept glaring at me in the mirror -LOL What?

So you hope, when you walk out of the audition, you did the best job that you could. You call your agent and manager and give a thumbs up. Then you replay that audition over in your mind as you drive away. That’s when the waiting game begins as you try not to be neurotic about it. It’s different at every level but were all just trying to book that next job. the one that puts you on the map of success in this crazy business. I wonder why I can’t just walk away from it all. Believe me I’ve tried and cried many times. I love to make people laugh and I love every part of the game. This business is what keeps me alive! The struggle, the uncertainty, the glory, the defeat, the desire that comes from deep within my soul, of which I have no control and that longing to book the next role. I’m an #ACTOR because … ( pause for deep long thought )   It’s not a choice It’s the way that I’m built!


“I was born to HEAL the world with Laughter”-Karla Guy

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21 Aug

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